For the past four years I have not been able to shake this feeling. I’d wake up with it. I’d daydream about it. Often times I had to make myself not think about it before going to bed at night because it would keep me awake. That feeling… The internal angst that felt like unused, unexpended energy. I’ve always known I was meant to do something bigger. Not for the sake of ego or pride. No, it’s about service to others and contribution.
Surely this life is not just about going from situations, experiences, struggles, triumphs for only the sake of personal gain or loss. The struggle began when my father died when I was just 14 years old. When I lost him, I lost my sense of safety and security. His daily nightly ritual of going through the house late at night, turning off lights and locking doors would later become symbolic of emotional security for me. Losing him as a teenager was hard, especially because that is the time in a young girl’s life when self esteem is already fragile. It’s a time when we begin to form our ideas of self, self in relationships and self as a separate person in the world.
So began my search for me. I’ve always lived by the motto, “where there’s a will, there’s a way.” It’s been both a strength and weakness because there are times when I have pulled through the most difficult of times and other times, when letting go would have been better. This has been my path in life… Learning when to put the pedal to the metal when I’ve had big goals and learning when to walk away. I experienced painful losses in my life but through it all, I have found me.
As a therapist for the past 22 years, I’ve met with countless young girls that stay in terrible, harmful relationships only because they feel afraid they will be alone. It sometimes takes women many years to actually ask themselves, “what do I want?” or “what do I need?” I Choose Me is the Northstar that I have developed over the past year and developed in a deeper, more meaningful way, though Start With You. It’s about when loving others has lead to losing you. Finding YOU after loss.
I used to run a profitable online fitness & health business. I loved every bit of it except for one thing…. It was part of a larger multi-level marketing company. I’ve learned from that, that I loved being an entrepreneur but also that it needs to feel authentic and on a deeper more personal level. It’s been a difficult past year for my family as we have experienced more loss. But, I know that this is all exactly the way is supposed to be and all my life lessons have been for a greater purpose.
From my fitness business, I built an online presence. My goal now is to take what I have already created and help women, be it coaches or non-coaches, to find purpose in their struggles, loss and accomplishments. I will combine what I know as a therapist, learned from life experiences and what I know about coaching. I plan to create an online, self help training for women who are not sure where to start with taking care of themselves and choosing themselves first. This will include how to create a daily routine that will get a person from stuck to unstuck, including fitness and health ideas, motivation and inspiration. There is still a lot more to develop but despite the unexpected loss from over the past year, I have not given up in my dreams and goals. I appreciate all that I have learned in Start With You and see it as coming along at just the right time. Just like everything else in my life. I believe it was all meant to be at just the right time.